So surrender..

I just enjoy writing to make me feel better..

Like they say give in if it makes you feel better..

So I don’t know why I do this to myself

There are two sub categories stemming from that.

I’m a smart person but my God I do some stupid things.

First of all is my self sabotage.

I have a big assessment coming up and I could pass if I put the time in but here I am doing everything but. I’m planning a party instead of doing the necessary study I am neglecting.

I even cracked a cider.

I could at least exercise to be productive with my procrastination.

The second thing that’s got me is my stupid, silly, ridiculous, unwarranted crush I’m experiencing.

I’ve tried to be cool about it, but I’m extremely uncool about it.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

My cool relaxed self has decided to leave me this jealous, emotional shell.

I think it’s one of those things. You want what you can’t have.

I’ve been listening to intense gangster tunes to help me toughen up.

The human brain is both fantastic and crazy at the same time. I know deep down there is nothing there but my brain keeps convincing me I have a shot and changing situations to make them seem like it was my idea that we’re not together or that he likes me he just doesn’t know how to go about it.

As much as I hate my brain for doing that – bravo.

I have this b-e-a-utiful gift of artificial happiness. More people need to invest in it.

It’s not 100% fool proof but it makes most of life pretty nice.

It’s essentially being happy with the things you have rather than the things you don’t have. If you get your thinking right you are exactly where you want to be. Whether that is true or not.

It’s pretty wonderful. I pair it with if you never expect anything you can’t be disappointed and have an increased chance of being pleasantly surprised.

This time has got me thrown though.

I’ve never wanted something so much from someone else. I alternate between thinking if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and anything worth having is worth working hard for.

I love myself but I am definitely punching above my weight. I just wish he’d either cut me off completely or make it obvious he feels the same way. Instead I’m stuck in this limbo where my friends encourage me to go for it because they only hear the stories how my  optimistic brain views them. It’s nice of them but it’s currently putting me into a world of hurt and disappointment.

The only thing that’s keeping me grounded at the moment are some good tunes. I’m going to be okay but in the words of the beautiful Arctic Monkeys I need to snap out of it.

I need to get back to myself and not concern myself with such petty matters of my feeble hearts desires.

I’ve recently been discussing with my friends and co-workers the probability of soul mates. We’ve agreed that perhaps rather than being just one person for everyone there are certain people that just click and bond and have the potential to develop into soul mates. People who shape who you are and make you a better person.

And that’s it. At the end of the day you should be endeavouring to be the best person you can be and surrounding yourself with those people who help you do that.

Unfortunately for me that’s realising that my boy is not the one because he is causing me more heartache than happiness and if someone likes you there should be no questions about it.

Do yourself and the person who is your person a favour and tell them that you love them. Do your best every day to make them and yourself the best version of yourselves that you can be and also take some time to enjoy life.

Not that I’m an expert or anything but I’m sure my advice won’t hurt anyone…  No guarantees..

Peace x

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