not after yesterday

Have you ever cryed so much that you could no longer breath and then you had a panic attack because you felt like dying? I have thoes sometimes, when it gets too real ,you know…

I remember i had one when i read the stuff about the cheating i could have sworn i was dying because it was like if someone was suffocating me , and then the bleeding started so i knew it wasnt just “in my head” and it was the worst. No wonder i became a colder person after it .

I didnt come out of it stronger , no . i came out of it fragile but layers of carelessness and cold on top of it all. Maybe for protection.

But then this happens. And i find myself in the same spot with the breathless sensation , the panick sttacks , the bleeding, only this time its sharper. And when i calm down, like in this moment , and i remember how i was acting and thinking only an hour ago  , i scare myself , i really scare my self . i feel like I’m two people in one body , one is irrational ,mad, and dangerous and one who is me ,who deals with stuff gets sad but no darkness on my head . but little things trigger me . like yesterday i could have died .

I dont have a double personality, but i have something… I think im bipolar but im no doctor . i have been delaying the appointment but i dont think that’s wise not after what happened yesterday . it will hurt them , a lot . it will kill a part of them i know , but maybe its better than loosing myself completely…

I’m too calm now, and even this scares me .

2 thoughts on “not after yesterday”

  1. I can relate to the feelings you are dealing with .
    If you ask me I would say you sound depressed, and depression doesn’t mean take a long hot bath and do some meditation .
    I think depression is a very serious thing because when left untreated it leads to a very dark place . My sister was depressed and I sow her fade in front of me … I wouldn’t want that for any one .
    An advice seek the help of a doctor you might need to talk things out and vent and it might make you feel better or maybe some medication to bright the low mood up do something don’t hold your emotions in until they drown you . I really hope you feel better soon green eyed girl . Keep us up to date.

  2. I can relate to the feelings you are dealing with .
    If you ask me I would say you sound depressed, and depression doesn’t mean take a long hot bath and do some meditation .
    I think depression is a very serious thing because when left untreated it leads to a very dark place . My sister was depressed and I sow her fade in front of me … I wouldn’t want that for any one .
    An advice seek the help of a doctor you might need to talk things out and vent and it might make you feel better or maybe some medication to bright the low mood up do something don’t hold your emotions in until they drown you . I really hope you feel better soon green eyed girl . Keep us up to date.

Leave a Reply

SCROLL TO TOP