Let Me Clarify..

I got an angry email from someone saying I need to stop talking shit etc. Idk if it was Ryan or not (more than likely Jenn) but I need to state I IN NO WAY HATE RYAN OR AM MAD AT HIM (HONESTLY!!!! IM NOT!!!!) BUT I do not regret saying anything about what Im feeling at that given moment.. This is obviously my journal and will say w.e the hell I want!!! But what I was trying to get at is how does HE feel about not being able to see he is kids and How does HE feel missing out on so much already! What I mean is I will never understand how its always different between moms and dads.. Different between male and females!!.. How is it okay when I can put 1000% effort in taking care of my babes making sure they have everything I try and try and try and yet the dad (Ryan) only puts forth like bare minimum of 40% effort.. Make sense? It isn’t “talking shit” its speaking the truth! If he cared enough he would still be here living with his family! If we were honestly his first priority, if we matter the most to him, if we were the most important thing I his damn life then he would be here right now not missing a damn moment! So dont say I’m talking shit for speaking the damn truth! And whoever sent me the email your right I hope he sees this! That way he’ll see I never once atop thinking about him (good or bad) so he’ll see I never stopped caring! I’ve been here 24/7… Question is where was he? What’s his response to that!?! (probably null and void) huh??! But guess what!?! The reason, the real reason I’m still here? Because I love him! Because through the good and bad, it was the moments when he cuddled me because I was having a nightmare, the fact that we ate the same thing every night, telling me I was pretty even though I never felt like it, etc. It was those damn moments that mattered the most to me! Thats why… Too bad though because I know of he wanted to be here he could be! If he wanted to seek help he would.. Because when it matters most if he wanted to get shit done he would get it done! I just wished we mattered more to him so he would be better.. I just wished we mattered to him in the same amount that he matters to us!life is not fair.. But you decide ur fate

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