Becca called me at 7:00 am. She handed me more stuff that I just couldn’t wrap my head around. She now claims to be pregnant, being hunted by Nazis, her boyfriend is being stalked by these gangs, and that I shouldn’t trust ANYBODY. I should always carry a weapon. I should block people on Facebook. I should never, ever, ever give her name to ANYONE because the Nazis will hurt *me*. Then she said that this was goodbye because the FBI are putting her into protection. So, it’s goodbye. I’ve decided that I’m not answering the phone again for her, or replying to any more texts or messages. I wanted to be a good friend, but there was only so much of this that I could take. I know that the situation isn’t completely unrealistic, but I just don’t believe a word of it. I think that she’s been lying about it all for attention. My friend Chris came forward and told me that she’s done a lot of similar things in the past. I really don’t need to exhaust myself over this. So I’m cutting the cord.
On a lighter note, I now have plans for my life. Once Glenn and I broke up, I did some soul-searching. I was going to change my whole life for him. I was going to pack up and move to Tallahassee and start my life over and be reliant on him. SO when it ended, I felt lost and directionless. What was I supposed to do now? I had a plan, and I knew where I was going. It was all pretty much set in stone. With my future gone and my heart broken, I really started to think. That’s when I decided, I’m still going to move. I’m still going to pack up and start over. But I’m going to do it alone, and I’m going to do it in a place where my heart really is….The mountains of Tennessee. Financially, It’s not doable at the time, but I’m getting everything in order. I’m scrounging up every penny I can, with a goal of saving at least $6000. I’ll be staying with family at first, and I think that that will be fairly reasonable to live off of until I can find a job. And that might be easier than originally thought, because I could transfer with my current job (provided my cow of a manager doesn’t push me over the edge and I quit.) By spring, my car will be paid off and that will be one less thing to worry about. Once I get there, I will be free. I will have a clean slate that I can fill with whatever I want. I want to meet new friends. I want to go out and do things. I want to have intellectual conversations in coffee shops. I want to experience a REAL autumn, not this thing that passes for “fall” in the deep south….I want to experience a real winter, with snow. I want to meet somebody that I really, truly connect with, that isn’t long-distance for once. I want to eventually settle down and get married. But before that, I want my own little apartment, where I grow my own produce on every windowsill and on my porch and everywhere that a plant can thrive. I can picture everything so perfectly in my mind, and that’s what I really want. I didn’t really, truly want to move to Florida, with a man who didn’t give me the affection and attention that I needed, whose friends I didn’t like. I wouldn’t have been happy. I will be happy in Tennessee, and I’m happy just thinking about it. There is literally nothing tying me down, with the exception of my finances. But once those are cleared away, I’ll be good. It’s like I’m standing on one side of a fence with a view of beautiful mountains, and I can already smell the crisp, clean air. All I have to do is climb over it. Everything I want is within my reach and I am very excited. I’ve developed this mentality that my time here in Georgia is temporary. That things may be shitty, but there are only a few more months of it.
I’m happy just thinking about it. I can only imagine how happy I’ll be once I’m actually there. 🙂