What Have I done? What am I going to do now?

Its so early in the morning , and it’s so late at night. I’m losing sleep over this, and that’s only the beginning. I’m struggling to stay strongbecause I need to for him. I’m more then determined to prove myself to be goo enough,  I cant let it end this way, for my pitiful display of fear I exposed, which ended up like this. Words cannot express how terrible I feel, how ashamed of myself I am.  It is a lot easier to hate myself, but that will not prove a thing, I need to love myself in order to love him the way he should be loved. So I can only use this lonesome time to do what I know I can, I can make a change, to better myself , to be better for him. So Here I AM I’M TRYING, First off i Cant stray myself away from the lord, I prayed harder then ever for Angel and for myself. I turned to the bible for some encouraging wors.

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Proverbs 28:13 Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.   “Well i confess of my wrongfulness, and I definitely forsake  my wrong doings, because  I will that depart from that type of  behavior  , no longer will I allow it to interfere my true self. ”

  -I will do anything to read the bible with angel,  I snarled at the offer before , only because I was so mad , about the way I was feeling. Now I know how my feeling blew the chance I so long to have now. Oh lord please bring him back so we can recite your teachings together.

I need to overcome my fear of being medically ill, So I made a appt this Weds.  (10/14/2015t 10:30 am )to go forward with the procedure that will determine  f I am for sure sick, and what I can do next/

-In the meantime iI will not be negative, and  not plan to move forward with my future goals.

`-So I searched the net for future classes to continue my education and start my ASL course  February 8th 2016 my course will begin. This time I will be financially prepared.

– February 8th 2016 my course will begin. This time I will be financially prepared.e has been updated, and my job search has already began, I will not stop searching until a new opportunity steps in.

This me stepping up, this is my first attempt to make a point, to come out to how you that I can do this , I am determined to how how much I love you and  and I will show you too,.

This new beginning is dedicated to you Legna,

I love love you 



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