wondering, ugh?!

Ryan messaged me again tonight – is there a reason why he’s only messaged me at night or in the a.m. …hes probably with Gary! He did this last time he left us to go live with Gary! He would only message me when Gary wasn’t around fucking ridiculous ain’t it? Or what if hes with Katie again 😒 honestly I’d cut my ties with him on the spot.. I ain’t screwing around with that nut job again! I’m so frustrated by Ryan so much! Like instead of telling yah I have problems and in going to get help, hoe about say yea I called a few places to see if they can book me for an appt but we all know he’s kicking his feet because he doesn’t feel like its the most important thing to do right now.. He has the potential to be such an amazing person but he procrastinates and makes excuses and its aggravating – yea I know I have no faith in him or no trust in him that he will get help, I just dont believe him.. But its not because I dnt want to! Its because he’s told me time and time again he will change he will get help but then something happens, we argue, and he doesn’t get help at all but he does make more promises of getting help again.. So its like he will still lie to get w.e he wants… You know what I think hes doing, he emails me to keep dragging me along and for him to get his dose of attention, then he probably briefly does work or maybe not idk and then he goes online talks to others and or seeks actual contact with girls near him to get more attention.. For all I know he’s probably finding a new girl to be with even though he says he wants our family together.. I want to trust him but how can u trust a liar 😞 sucks balls!!! God almighty on thinking to much right now that I’m getting sad 😢 pray to god I need to pray – and yes prayer has been helping me alot!!!!

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