Though I have been trying to be as positive as I can through this I still have some dark days. If it truly wasn’t for my family , friends and of course God I don’t think I would be able to stand up some days. I reached out to a dear friend that has been in my shoes just asking for some comforting advice and she had the most beautiful thing that she texted: God brought me to it… He will bring me through it! That really weighed on my mind for most of last night. She was so right, I need to further my faith in God knowing he will bring me through this. I need to completely trust in him and that in his timing I will heal.
Tonight I had another dear friend share on Facebook this beautiful song called “Just be Held”. It is probably one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard in a very long time. The lyrics just sang to my broken heart:
“but life hits you out of nowhere & barely leaves you holding on, and your tired of fighting chained by your control, there is freedom in surrender… So when you are on your knees & answers seem so far away, you’re not alone stop holding on and just be held…”
Some pretty powerful lyrics right there. I have given a lot of myself to God lately but I know there is a part of me still holding back. It’s my ego and the struggle of wanting to face this on my own but I’m slowly realizing that it doesn’t make me any less strong to give it all to him. Allow him to just hold me and guide me to where I belong. The more I think about what my one friend wrote to me & the other sharing this song is that my life, Jamie’s life has yet to even begin. The quote above says it best, that I’m going through some of my deepest pain right now in order to find out what me greatest calling is. I’m still not sure exactly what it is but in time and undying faith it will come and I will be only stronger. I knew this journey was not going to be easy but I will not waiver from it, I will just keep praying for strength to continue on.