My personal prayer and Bible times have been extensive with being retired, and my request from God to KNOW Him deeper (to love what He loves and hate what He hates) has taken me from the study of the Biblical feasts and holidays to a study of paganism.
For me, realizing how deeply paganism has grafted itself into “Christian” holidays just causes my heart to ache! No matter how much I tell myself I do not worship another god, I can not help but question the fact that the dates and even symbolisms are ALL rooted in the false gods! Are we not responsible for KNOWING that a Christmas tree’s purpose was to worship a false god? I’ve studied all the Hebrew words and history on this and it’s frightening to think of my motives around the Christmas celebration and what I’ve embraced. Knowing what I know, how can I put a tree up – telling God it’s in HIS honor? You can build all the golden calves you want, but you’re not going to convince God that is HIM you are worshiping.
The subject of grace keeps coming up among my peers who try to soothe my remorseful heart of repentance. While I understand the concept of the grace of God and how I can never “earn” my salvation in any way, shape or form, I still am drawn to the fact that God loves obedience. I can’t make God love me more or less. That’s a truth. And yet when I draw near to God, He has promised to draw near to me.
I know God has a purpose in teaching me all of this. I know I need to seek good counsel and am doing so. I do not want to ever become a judgmental aristocrat, pushing “my way” onto anyone at anytime. Yet while everyone is singing “Grace, grace, God’s grace,” (DEFINITION: the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings), I can’t help but cry out for God’s mercy! (DEFINITION: compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm).