illusion or not..

I am not sure where to begin. but lets give it a try…


A little over 3 weeks ago i met him online. Exchanged phone numbers. I am not very easy at giving out my number but this time it was given upon his confirmation that “I wouldn’t regret it”. so there, we start texting constantly. He said the things that i never thought any guys would. For the first time in my life it felt like something was real within our conversation. I know its very easy to get tricked by people especially when its online. I don’t know why it was just so easy to believe everything that he was saying. I really just don’t know.


But lets skip all the emotional talk that him and i shared.. moving on.. so after 3 weeks of non stop text messages. We planned to meet up on following week. He also asked me if he could speak to me over the phone the next day. I obviously said yes immediately. Next morning he text like usual. Around evening he reminded me again that he’ll be calling me tonight.


But that night. He never called…. i waited and waited.. never even texted… I sat with the phone in my hand until midnight and finally gave up and feel asleep. Next morning around 11 he text and apologized for passing out as soon as he got to bed. I said its okay (i obviously lied). So then i replied again saying “i need to talk to you”.


Entire day has passed by and he hasn’t replied.


Maybe i am just over-reacting. But this is the same person who said all the things that i have only written in journal. He is the same person who talked about meeting my parents and who couldnt be thankful enough to have met me. All of a sudden he has disappeared and left a whole in my heart. He life my spirit up so high over a period of few weeks and then dropped me in a deeper whole than before. I don’t understand why i couldn’t question anything that he was saying. Mostly i am very negative. I always look at the flaws in everything before i look at the positive side.


I don’t know if he will ever text again or no. But what i do know is that if he doesn’t. I’ll always be wondering if he even existed or if it was all my illusion. A question that i’ll never get an answer to.


Sad heart..


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