Young and Naive

Just when I take a risk in my life, I end up regretting it days later.

This boy I liked for about 7 years started messaging me. We made sorta awkward small talk through texting. I finally got tired of it and asked him if he still liked me (because I knew he liked me in elementary school; we’re now in high school). He said yes, so I told him I liked him too. Then he asked me out. I was beyond happy and excited. It was kind of this unexplainable warm happiness that surrounded my soul. After years of crushing on him and thinking of made-up scenarios, I was officially his girlfriend and he was officially my boyfriend. What made it even more special, we were each other’s first significant other.

*The next day* We hung out during our class and made awkward small talk in person. The awkwardness didn’t phase me because hey, most couples go through it the first few times so who cares. When I got home from school I see a message notification from him. I got very excited and wondered what the message could be about. Was it a random question? Did he want to hang out after school? Well I open it and within the first two lines of the text, I was caught completely off guard …

He broke up with me.

In the message he typed that he couldn’t be with me anymore because he rushed it and wasn’t ready for a relationship the more he thought about it. And he apologized so many times and said “so many things are going through his mind”, which I assume he’s going through personal issues. At first, I didn’t have a reaction … my mind was pretty much blank and at that moment, I understood and didn’t have a problem with it.

It’s been almost a week now and not trying to care about this has been hard. How am I supposed to not care when this guy was the first guy I ever fell for 7 years ago? I haven’t cried over him or shit like that … but I’m just disappointed. Disappointed in myself for being naive. Disappointed because I thought we were going to last for a long time. We see each other in the halls and he doesn’t even make eye contact with me. To me that’s incredibly rude, but at the same time maybe he just thinks it’s awkward making eye contact . Who knows.

I don’t regret talking to him or asking him if he still liked me. I just regret assuming we would be together for a long time, thinking of future scenarios, and thinking of cute date ideas. But now I just gotta deal with the fact that he isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship and continue on with life …

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