I didn’t cry when I dropped you off. I held you as you did and I tried to be strong for the both of us. I could tell you were holding in your tears as long as possible. When I turned and said goodbye, that’s when they finally spilled over and splashed onto your lap. It was painful to watch, it made me so sad because there was nothing I could do.
When your mother opened the front door to wave at us I wonder if she knew how upset you were, I wonder if she could tell by the way you were holding onto me. She didn’t stay there long, just a small wave and a big smile and then I looked up again and she was gone.
I still didn’t cry when we stepped out of the car to get your things. I popped open the trunk and waited until you had everything, but I was strong. I smiled at you and we kissed. I could feel your tears on my cheek but all I could do was brush them away with my fingertips.
I held you for a long time outside of the house. I wanted so badly to come in with you and lie down with you but I know had I done that it’d have been even harder for me to leave. So I pulled away and kissed you one final time before getting back into my car.
I still didn’t cry. I pulled out of the driveway and scraped the bottom of my bumper on the small curb in front of your house but I barely noticed because I couldn’t stop looking at you standing on the porch in your pajamas holding your bag. You looked so heartbroken and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I made it out of your sight and down the street and that’s when I couldn’t be strong anymore. I cried the entire ride home.
It’s only been a day since I’ve seen you and everything seems so bland and boring without you.
I miss you and I love you.