monday night entry

I know, I am fucking stupid. Probably wont get any stupider than this. I don’t need a lecture. I need comforting. I need a hug and someone, who can really look me in the eyes and tell me that they actually Truly know how I feel right at this moment.


I feel so lost..


I don’t know how to reach out towards people either. So I don’t really do it. I just sit all by myself and dwell in my own sadness.

I keep thinking, that people have their own problems to take care of, so I don’t Wanna bother them with my selfish, stupid self pidying about a boyfriend, who lost interest in me while I was still so much in love with him. That’s not a serious problem, compared to a lot of the shit others have to deal with..


I see comfort in one very old friend of mine. I have been doing all weekend and again this evening..

It keeps me from crying and it cuts off all the thought of him and how I’ve lost him.

It’s nicer to just lay here on the sunbed at midnight, looking at the stars. Trying to figure out the patterns. The only company I’ve got is my own shadow reflecting in the little pond. Me and myself alone out here, sharing a smoke with each other to forget, and we already have.

It’s a temporary rush. So is the feeling of being lost like that, but it’s the worst feeling of all.

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