So today was my first day of counseling in quite a while, and I have to say I don’t miss it. The feeling that this woman is paid to judge me was almost too much. I know I need to go, that I need to get help overcoming my feelings of hopelessness and the hate I have for myself, but something inside me doesn’t honestly think it will ever go away. It’s difficult to admit that I have issues, even to the people I know love me and just want what’s best for me. I feel like if I let my control slip even a millimeter I’m going to fall apart. I know people want to help me, but it’s so difficult to trust them not to drop me when I fall and expect them to be there to catch me.
Why would anyone want to be near me, anyway. Logically I understand, but emotionally I just don’t get it.