So last night he was in my dream. It wasn’t a dream I’ve ever had before. I couldn’t get away from him, he wouldn’t leave me alone. He always appeared from behind me, hugging me and when I turned I would realise who it was. The other people were current friends who had never met him and heard very little about him. So why was he there? I don’t understand – past mixing with current. I want past in the past. I want to forget those 5 years as if they never happened. There can be a blank, just nothing. I don’t care, I want there to be nothing. I don’t understand where this dream came from. I know I said he was irreplaceable but he is, he has been. There are no feelings for him, no love, no desire to see him – NO NOTHING!!!! So what the actual fuck is this?! I don’t like it, I hate it, go away, get your hands off me!! Leave me alone!!