Feelings in this Mission

It’s not that I feel comfortable, but I do feel a whole lot better knowing that at least I can keep some type of simple communication with you; whether it’s some texting or a humble phone call. It really doesn’t matter how, as long as I read or hear your voice. It makes me feel that even with all of this madness happening, you still care for me. I called it madness… but it’s actually a deep torture I’ve made you walk in. Again, I am truly sorry. Even so, I do not doubt that hearing or knowing from me is just as pleasurable for you as it is to me. And notice that I said the word “pleasurable,” not “good”. I don’t forget that this is also a hellish situation for you. If it is for me, then I can only imagine how rough it is for you. On the other hand, I admire you a lot because you’re showing that you’re handling this situation very well. I know you and I know what goes on in you so I know you’re hurting, but I still admire you for the face that you keep showing during this atrocity. But it also makes me think… What if this is really true and everything is moving to dig you out of this hole, creating a strong person, always with your head up, while having nothing that’ll bother you? I wish the best for you all the time, but my selfish self wants to see discomfort in you; to know that the same condition remains. Not as bad, but I guess I still want to see it to know that you still want me, that you will wait for me, that you believe me when I say that I will look for you, because I WILL LOOK FOR YOU. And yes, I know this is a very selfish thought, but it is only because as soon as I leave this place I am running straight to the place that you’re standing on. We will continue growing, accomplishing our dreams, recognizing that this is a process; a process of maturing and growing. We might be far away from each other, but I know, and want you to be aware also, that we will be part of each other’s audience, watching each other accomplishing our own personal dreams.

Lela it doesn’t matter where I get to in life, I want you to know that my ending will be seeing Evander Eli’s and Leyen Lee’s children growing up. I can imagine it already… Although we haven’t reached half of our lifetime yet, I feel that we already can tell our grandchildren lots of stories. So just hold on a little while longer Lela; I’m on my way. I also want to thank you for continuing to be my best friend. I know I can be very poetic in my writing. I hope you enjoy my writing with all the possible grammatical errors I might have lol… but I will close this message with this: I miss you, I will look for you, I will find you, and I love you.

-Filho de Olhos Verdes

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