Here I am. On some random website typing out all of my feelings and emotions that no one really cares about unless I pay them to…which really doesn’t mean they care. Well. Lets go for it.
At the moment I am listening to he type of music anyone who is feeling lonely shouldn’t listen to. The type that is slow and almost sounds like it could be cheerful, but then brings you back down every couple of notes. The kind that makes you start thinking about purpose and meaning of your life. And now I feel lonely. Empty. Pointless. I am not sad…just empty. And now I am thinking about how lonely I am. About all of the friends that slowly faded away in my life. All of the things I was passionate about that faded away. Because I let it. I felt how I was feeling now and curled up inside myself and stopped putting in effort. When the way to fix it is by doing just the opposite. Putting in effort. So that I have someone that cares about me. Someone I can text my random revelations and my gigantic poops and not think I am some creep. Maybe weird, but not a creep. I just need someone to put the smallest bit of effort so that I start putting in effort into my life again. And when I say life I don’t mean homework or organization. I mean my relationships, my life. Blah. I need someone to have deep conversations with and that will give me long hugs and it not be weird. But I don’t have that. I am just stuck with this empty, pointless, loneliness.