Today im asking myself where did I go wrong? And theres so many things lately, where i question myself.. what if i went wrong before, what if i gave up on something that was supose to be forever but i just kept egging situations on? What happened in the past is in the past now. I let that go, with a little piece of me. And i dont think ill ever be the same sarah i was when i met aaron. I forgot who that person was a long time ago. And i dont blame him for it, i blame situations that maybe i just could not control. And after all that i set myself free, i choose to be numb i choose to really find myself, the new person iv become after all the pain and heartache.. but to be honest im still trying to figure out who that person is. When i met brian i wasnt ready to meet him, but at that moment in my life thats exactly what i needed. I needed hope, i needed to know there was still good people out there. He has treated me well , for sure and gave me hope about a future. Unfortuantly i dont think hell be in it. Weve been talkin for almost 2 months now, hes gotten close to chloe and myself. He has done little things that make me feel great. Hes mad me laugh, smile, and enjoy waking up. But at the end of the day brian doesnt want a “title”. Aka he wants to keep his options open and keep sleeping with me. And i can bring it up to him so many times but unfortuantly i know i wont get the truth. Iv talked to so many people about it they all say the same. Unfortuantly im just the “fuck buddy” untill he finds someone better.. or maybe already has her. The fact that someone can come into a single moms life and them do that just makes me not want to trust anyone.
So for my hope, i once had it… and i will get it back. But my hope doesnt need to be based upon a man, or a friend or a person that hope needs to be in me at all times. No matter who comes or goes in my life. That hope needs to be mine and no one else can take that from me. So no matter how hard it is, i know what i need to do and thats be strong. Know that the future holds greatness. Dont give up. Keep going.