My life sucks, I woke up this morning to my uncle sleeping in my girls bedroom… Like this has to stop!! I’m getting so creeper out and aggravated, he keeps putting me down, anything and everything I do is wrong… Yet when the kids are misbehaving oh its because I put bad habits in them and blah blah.. No it isn’t! I’ve come to realized I am not the only one raising these kids, they are helping me too! But the problem is THEY dont realizing they are raising these kids too! That means you can’t give them whatever they want, they must follow MY rules otherwise they will keep acting like brats! Its not fair anymore, how is it that I have so much help and yet they aren’t being helpful at all..!! Oh yeah but I any mind letting the girls run a muck being crazy but when it comes down to it, when I’m struggling to feed the baby, cook something for myself thats when you say Michelle Emilia needs a diaper change now this instant because she pooped 😞 like fucking kidding me right now… I’m tired of this shit! If I had my own kitchen you bet your shit I wouldn’t be caught dead downstairs with my family! There house a hoarders home, but the toys that I wont pick up until nap time is what bothers u… Priorities!??!!! Then Ryan tells me he is working for hobo railroad again… I know I should be happy for him but I’m not… At All!!! Realize this.. This is the same job, place, and person he left me and Natalie for in 2012.. And sticking by him he says he kissed some coworker on the train – which I dont believe him! He asked the girl out, hung out with her, and probably kissed her yah ..now that I know must’ve happened not that fake lie he keeps feeding me! I’m just really aggravated because no matter how hard I try I cant trust him… And that’s why I’m not happy for him because what he fails to realize is that he’s left us again, is working on some trains again, living with Gary again! The only difference is he didn’t just leave Me and Natalie this time.. He left his only family behind… And the fact that he isn’t seeing his kids most critical years, its devastating.. So wen I say nothing is wrong – it honestly means I want to cry.. I have so much negativity, so much pain and hurt, I cant even feel happy right now… It makes me hate, it makes me visibly upset and sad… No one ever asks me how I’m feeling, or how my day was, or if I’ve eaten, or anything… My papa would 😢 could chat up pure nonsense with my favorite old man.. Now everyone is worried about their own.. My gall bladder isn’t doing better, mostly because I dont eat… And now I’m limping again because the inflamed muscle in my lower back is putting alot or pressure on my a sciatic nerve… My iron got lower because of lack of food… But thanks for asking how I’m doing… I’m not doing good or well or great… I could use a hug or two, I could honestly collapse at any moment but I’m really sad… I just want to cry

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