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Birthday Emotions

Sorry the journal/blog has been MIA the last few days. Had a busy weekend of seeing family, friends and enjoying a night out. Yesterday marked another day that I became older. I’ve never really cared much about getting older and birthdays have never really bothered me but I was dreading yesterday. Leading up to my birthday all I could focus on was where my life wasn’t what I imagined it to be. Never thought that my birthday would be spent single and alone in my apartment. The funny thing many of my dear friends that read these daily must have had a gut feeling on how was feeling because the common theme of my birthday wishes was “it’s a new beginning…. It’s a new year… It’s a new path”. It was words that added joy to my heart and knowing how many of you are cheering me on and enjoying this journey experience with me. Words could not explain how much joy my heart felt seeing all of the encouragement.

Even this past weekend I was able to see an old friend while she was visiting in town. She shared with some struggles she has been facing with an ex and her current boyfriend and that she is thankful for my journal because it is a comfort she is not alone in this struggle. She said I was an inspiration because of how raw and open I have been but yet still try to find the positive. When people tell me I’m inspirational I get a little embarrassed because truly all these journal entries are just my ramblings of life right now and how I’m dealing with it. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the kind words and happy that others find comfort in my daily journals but I just don’t find myself any more special than another. We all have struggles and many have it ten times worse but I guess at the end of the day sometimes we all need to have that one word of encouragement from someone else even when we least expect it. Which this brings me back to the birthday wishes of “a new year”. Though I may never truly understand why things happen to all of us and why life things happen one thing is for sure , we all every single day get a new start ang get to choose the door we open for that day. If my random thoughts and words help others that it is a great thing because those of you that read it everyday inspire me and have been a great help on this journey so far. Doing this has been so great because it allows me to get everything out on that day of how I’m feeling. Yesterday I found out that the least likely person that I thought would be reading these entries has been. He sent roses for my birthday with a card saying ” I read your words, sorry I hurt you so bad but I will always love you & thank you for being the most loving mother to our son. Hope your journey will lead you back but if not I will understand, happy birthday”. Reading that card sent a million of emotions my way but I do feel good knowing that he understands the pain he put me in through my writing because I felt spoken words fell on a def ears. I’m not sure what the future holds for us but I made the promise to myself to to take this journey find myself and stay single. I will uphold that promise because today I choose to close the door to my past and open the one to my future take deep breathes and step through this new life I’m creating. Only God will know where my future will bring me but I do know he will help bring me to whatever is meant to be.

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