Heart of the matter

I seem to have stopped counting the days as we continue voyaging in this strange new world; the thing with heart failure is the heart doesn’t work as well as it used to. It doesn’t pump properly. In fact maybe when they measure it, maybe the measurement belongs to that moment, at that time and then maybe (I don’t know for sure) they can measure it half a day later and it may be different.

That is you see what it feels like in the ups and downs of it all. That sometimes you get loads of glimpses of the person as they used to be and then the other one comes in and things aren’t the same.

To-day is our wedding anniversary which has started off nicely but as the mornings gone on has gone , and Beloved has struggled a bit as we have been shopping.

We’ve only been married three years to-day. Not much really. They played Adele’s new single “Hello”, in the car. It’s hauntingly beautiful. The kind of poetry in those words and how she sings it tingles the soul.

Beloved Husband is beautiful still amindst the battering he is taking day by day. And the thing that makes me angry, and yes it is not politically correct to say it buy hey this is my journal, right? Well the thing that makes me so angry is that he waited too long for his op.

We are letting in too many people in the UK and it is having an impact, a huge one, on the NHS. OK, people are getting older, but the Health Service is not as expanding as quickly as our population is in terms of adults arriving and new borns.

My Beloved Husband who is a lovely man. That there are men out there who deserve the heart failure he has, like the man who killed the lion, like the other 2 legged carbon monositries who I  have had the misfortune to meet, and the child molesters, and the child killers…

Yet he has it. A man who has helped others. Who as been to tea with Princess Anne for his work.


Heart failure sucks.


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