… If I only knew….

How and when it all began I don’t really know. How and when it will end is a bigger mystery.

I thought I had things sorted and under control…. I had my plans for the future and at that stage it seemed that I knew what I wanted out of life and how I was going to get it…. Boy was I wrong.

It seems that I’ve always had a knack for trouble. How and why I got into the situations I have I really couldn’t tell you. And it seems that I have always been my own worst enemy.

I give more in every aspect in my life than I get…. And that my friend gets really tiring really quickly.

I always knew I was different. Different how and why I’m still trying to figure out.

I’ve been told that I feel to much, I laugh to loud , I’m to colorful….
Again why I don’t know.
If I could be anyone else or even just be whatever it is that would make everyone else happy I would.

I don’t much like who I am… I use to…. but not anymore.
I have no cruel intentions and believe that people are good and honest. That belief has gotten me hurt more times than I can even count.

I don’t want to feel the way I feel anymore ….
And it seems its getting worse everyday.

I’ve given the conventional life ( getting married, having 2.5 kids, a white picket fence, family SUV  and of course the stable yet mundane 9-5 day job) a lot of thought.

But really…. is that it??? Is that all there is to it….

There has got to be more to life …. That cant be it right….

The choices I have made have gotten me into a few crazy situations and places….

Unknown faces, crazy places, rehab , kebab , pudding and pie…. (lol)


Still…. it all seems .. plain…. boring almost….

and as for my adventurous, rebellious , wild soul….

she got tired of proving herself a long time ago…..

One thought on “… If I only knew….”

  1. I feel the same way sometimes. if only you could be what other people wanted you to be, but reality Is you cant. and even if you could you wouldn’t be true to yourself.

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