Karma —- no new title so today I am angry

I’m not sure what it is today I am angry about some wives on “the other” crew that are bad mouthing a fundraiser that our crew is doing.  Part of it is probably because it is my idea fundraiser, part of it because hot damn really is that your biggest concern and the other is it has been NOTHING but drama since the crews split.  Honestly what is the point? 

The boat went from being a “green” crew for a very long time, to now we are two crews – blue and gold (navy colors).  You would think it was like this earth shattering thing that happened.  Is one crew better than the other?  I have no idea, I would like to think no but I am also pretty proud of my husband so I do believe his crew is better, but I also know that the crews were probably very well picked out to keep everything as even as possible.  After all, at the end of the day the boat has one job to protect our country under the seas no matter what crew owns her, and a poor crew isn’t a good idea nor is this amazing crew (my husbands) joking seriously joking.  Anyways, the crews in my thought are pretty amazing, they are an elite group of men who become submariners. 

So for karma what do I want to see?  Hmm, a few things and I know I shouldn’t think this way.  Its not nice, its not being a good person, its not what my husband would be proud of in me, and really I know as I sit here its a waste of time to fret about it but it is what I am doing.  I would like to see that fundraiser go like crazy and shove it in the other crews FRG face!!!  What would that accomplish?  Well, lets see probably my losing my position on my crews board, but more importantly disappointing my husband and myself.  The vision in my head is great though!!!!

I would like to see my ex, hmm not sure what I would like to see have happen to him that wouldn’t hurt our children.  I would like to go back to the day before that life changing day for so many in my life – nope even that day wouldn’t correct anything really.  It was a very dark time for me, to fix that part of my life I would have to go back to when he said things that took options away from me, and have the ability to know he was taking those options away from me.  I guess I was dumb/naive enough to believe people wouldn’t do that to another person they claim they love.  Why would you take something away when your reason is “because I knew you wouldn’t marry me” is the ONLY answer?

I also look at that other life of mine and the one I have now.  Without that past one, I wouldn’t have this amazing husband who has shown me that he can love me even in my darkest moments, darkest parts of me and still says he loves me.  Who gets that?!?  I sure didn’t the first time around.  I cringe sometimes thinking he didn’t get the special honor of being my only husband, but than I also know the me then wasn’t ready for the man he is now.  I don’t know if the man he was then was ready either.  Timing – life is funny how it knows JUST when to time things and when not to time things.  Yes, I destroyed two very important relationships in my life that I am working hard to fix and mend and build new.  Maybe I will on one or both, I pray for both.  I am a better person for those relationships now, than I was then or then what I think I would have been if I had stayed ,o

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