Teetering on the edge..

This weekend I spent time with my family…they are funny and crazy and loving and supportive and completely insane. I love them to death but sometimes they just don’t get it. Last week was hard…it was hard for me to see all the littles running around in costumes just to realize that my little man wasn’t there. He was with his dad this year, which is how it should be. We alternate holidays and he goes back and forth from week to week. But driving home from that Halloween party alone it was harder than I thought it would be not to take the exit and head for the house escape comes from…I could have gotten drugs, gone home and gotten high and no one would have had a clue. I chose not to and I am glad that I made that decision. I am starting to feel again and that sux. I don’t want to be ashamed and I don’t want to be sorry for making the people who care about me worry and stress about whether I am ok. I know they can tell when I get stressed out and then they are concerned. I hate that. I have always taken care of other people. I don’t want to be the reason someone else is stressed out.

My boyfriend has been up here for three weeks now and doesn’t seem to be looking for a reason to leave. This is good, but at the same time the more comfortable I get the more worried I am cuz the more it will hurt when he does leave…I hate that I expect it…

I am just going to keep doing what I am doing and hope eventually the paranoia will stop…

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