Don’t know what to think

So today we had a great conversation.  She asked me to call her, and we talked for a long time.  It was the most intimate conversation we’d had since we broke up.  She was trying so hard to explain how she felt but she just couldn’t.  She knows how crazy she is being.  She knows what she’s doing.  And she can’t explain why she still needs to do it.  He treats her horribly.  He treats her like dirt.  He calls her a whore.  And she thinks it’s just this way because they’re not together yet.  That once they’re together, he’ll stop being like that.  She claims if he doesn’t change, she’ll have no problems walking away.  She just needs to see if he does change by them being together.  She want’s me to stay in her life.  She said I can talk to her whenever I want.  She called me and texted me twice yesterday, and I ignored it.  “Playing the game”.  Making her want me more by ignoring her.  It worked, she said it made her really sad that she thought I didn’t want to talk to her.  I hate that it worked.  I hate that I can make her want me more by pretending I don’t want her.  I hate games.  And now that we talked for so long tonight about both our feelings, I don’t think I could just ignore her again.  She says it makes her feel good that I love her so much.  But that she can’t be with me.  She always uses the term “for now”. Whenever she’s talking about anything.  This is how it has to be…for now.  We can’t be together…for now.  She said she doesn’t want me to wait for her.  She wants me to move on and be happy with someone else because she doesn’t want me waiting for her in case it does work out with the other guy.  I can’t.  I just don’t want to.  I’ve been on dates.  It just makes me feel worse that it’s not her.  She’s all I want.  As long as there’s still hope, I can’t move on.  I have to have her back.

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