She Doesn’t Care

Her new guy messaged me yesterday.  Just to talk shit.  To me.  About her.  I showed her.  She didn’t care.  She doesn’t understand why she puts up with his shit, she just does.  She says she understands why he’s acting crazy.  Cause he’s not here and I am.  She says she feels bad.  That he’s getting jealous and acting out and being abusive ot her, because he worries about her and what she’s doing behind his back.  She says she feels bad that we slept together this weekend behind his back.  It hurts me that she regrets it.  I don’t.  Even though the couple of days after were harder for me, having had a taste of what we once had, and then having it taken away from me all over again, I don’t regret it for an instant.  It was heaven for me.  To have her back again for just one night.  I feel like I’m running out of time.  Like once she goes to see him in 6 weeks for the holidays, that that’s the end for us.  That she’ll sleep with him, spend time with him, and cement her feelings for him more deeply.  And when she comes back, she won’t be mine at all anymore.  That whatever “friendship” we’re trying to salvage will be lost.  We won’t have even that anymore once they’re together.  I want one more night with her.  I want to spend as much time with her as I can before she’s gone for good.  I wish she just would have stayed with me until she figured out what she wanted with him.  I wish she hadn’t left me so soon.  I would have dealt with it better, knowing it was coming, but still getting to be with her in the meantime.  I feel like the time in between is just lost.  If she had actually left me to be with him, that’s one thing, but to leave me for the POSSIBILITY of MAYBE being with him, makes it so much harder.  They’re both hard.  I wish she would have stayed with me until it HAD to end for him.  Because maybe she’d decide he’s no good, and then wouldn’t have had to leave me at all.  I know she’ll probably avoid any situations where it might happen again.  I pray she doesn’t.  I hope she’ll go out with me.  Go have a drink with me, play some pool with me, sing some karaoke with me, and spend one last night with me.  I hope we have one more chance.  I hope I get to make love to her one last time before she’s out of my life for good.

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