It’s been a little while again, but things are changing. I’m living at my in laws with my husband and son. Husband hasn’t drank in almost a week very proud of him. I only wish he’d pay attention to me. He hardly even notices me. I’m just not happy being with him. I want to be but the way he lives and the way I live are two totally different things. He does whatever he can to make money not for me or our son but to get weed. That’s all he honestly cares about. He says he cares about me but I know he doesn’t. If he cared he’d be different. He’s addicted to it, who knows if he will ever stop that idk if he will ever drink again I think he will but he shouldn’t because he’s an alcoholic. This isn’t how I pictures my life at all 3 years ago. I’m so grateful and happy I have Caleb but my marriage I’m not happy in. Do I leave? Will I regret it? Should I wait to see if it works out? Am I just wasting my time? All I can say is my depression is really bad. I want some excitement in my life. I want someone to make me feel alive again. I don’t feel like I’m truly living my life. My depression just keeps getting worse. It takes time for medicine to take full affect because they upped me on my zoloft. They increased it about 3 days ago. I always want to pray to god but I never find myself doing so, which makes me feel like an asshole. I want to start going to church again, I’m just not wanting to go out because of my depression I feel ugly and fat. Once I have enough money I’m signing up at a gym and going to try and lose weight. Get a dermatologist to see how to make my skin better I don’t have a lot of acne but when I’m stressed it acts up. I always feel like Alex is talking to other girls. Idk what to believe anymore ever since he told this girl he wanted to be with her idk if he was drunk or what but still isn’t right and expects me to get over it just like that. I’m going to a job interview Tuesday I’m hoping I get the job. So I can make money to provide for Caleb, and I’m not going to let Alex have any it’s for Caleb and I. Our needs. Not what we want but what we need. And I’m going to save up for a car, a cell phone I can actually use, and my own apartment. I’m determined to do this that’s why I haven’t given up, and I give it all to Caleb. He’s the reason why I want to make our life better. I want what’s best for my son. He’s the most precious person in my life and I’ll do anything to make him have a happy life.

2 thoughts on “Hello”

  1. Awww I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Biggest thing I would like to share is, find a church where you will feel at home. I too struggle with weight and what people think. You can do this. You are strong. Hope your interview went well.

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