I was thinking about writing a actual journal, but i guess this has been working when i kind of need to vent. Today i was thinking maybe over thinking a bit of being dramatic but. Well let me fill you in since i dont believe iv written in a while. My life is sort of simple, now. Well maybe not that simple. A couple months ago i went to my first football game of course the bears vs the colts bears won, well i ended up spending the night in the e.r not fun 3 staples to the head. But on a better note… i met a guy his name is brian im not exactly sure at this point whether we will work out or not. But i know im living in the moment as abby would say. But today im gonna vent about something that irks me so bad. Men. Well yes men in generally, but men think these (sorry let me get ghetto for a minute) hoe ass bitches as so sexy blahblahblah id fuck her all this all that. First off get a smart girl, get a girl that actually has values and a life ahead of her. Not a girl that uses her tits and ass to get free shit. NO. This is where so many men go wrong in their lives they cheat on good girls for these skanky ass bitches, that dont want a relationship with ur dumbass. I mean maybe its just me but i feel like a women that doesnt have to show off her body and act like a hoe is attractive. Maybe facebook just got me on this topic, which iv already got mad about brian about. I hate gettin mad about petty shit but i mean if u dont have pics, relationship statuses, etc i mean seems kinda strange n i may creep a bit. Im gonna let the bullshit go, and honestly see where this relationship goes, and although at times i feel hidden i think in a month , 2, 3 down the road if im still feeling kinda not right about it, let it go. Iv let go of people i loved so it shouldnt be too hard.
Next topic although sometimes i hate the fact its even a topic, aar. Honestly i dont think ill ever forget aaron. Sometimes i think to myself maybe i didnt really love him. Maybe it was just all what i thought love was. Well let me tell you something i loved him, loved that man with all my heart. Hes been in my mind not about feelings or whatever , but just in my mind. Part of me wishes he could be in my life… but with everything that happened im not sure if i can handle it…maybe some day. Iv thought about just how he is, if i could of changed something in the past because even now i go through things in a new relationship that i did with aaron. And honestly i handle it better because now i know. I think iv got a lot of things to change about myself as well… but for the most part i think im a pretty good person ☺
I thought about sending him a letter maybe for landen birthday…? A card .. ask him if he has my pants.. lol something not to see him, get back with him, maybe just so he knows i dont hate him, i never did and hes still my first love and i hope for his happiness everyday. Its crazy after being through so much and literally having to burn that person out of ur life and memories. Still wanting them to know u forgive them for everything, and im still i need forgiving too.
But enough about aaron and past because thats what it was.. the past. Not the future.
So i guess its one day at a time, venting, thinking, making new days new journeys meeting amazing people ☺