So friend says to me today never to write that on the internet again. She was referring to my comment about feeling like I’m failing re: falling pregnant. I just love it when she sugar coats her comments to me – this comment was a little low on the sugar in the coat…however…and don’t get me wrong it didn’t upset me in any way…but it did get me thinking about my journal and Facebook though and what do I want from having these things available to me? The journal is still the place I turn to when I need to get stuff out of my head and it works for me, I find it rather therapeutic to write..or type as it happens…also as it happens I have the bestest friend in the whole wide world who checks in on my journal to keep me going. As much as some of the things I write here I wouldn’t want anyone to know it makes me feel safer knowing that someone knows what’s behind me. We as humans easily underestimate what others are carrying in their imaginary backpack everyday. This has been a really big thing for me in understanding over the last few months especially. In my job everyday I underestimate what my kids are coming into school with – did they sleep last night, do they sleep in their own bed every night and have routine, have they had breakfast, do they have a clean uniform, did they spend the night crying and scared, are they exposed to drug use, violence or abuse? It’s scary to think what is behind a smile sometimes. So I guess my journal will always be quite raw and honest and I know my friend would expect nothing less. As for Facebook I’ve been on a couple of times particularly over the weekend as I was at my friends Hens Weekend and all the girls were posting their pics up. Last night husband gave me my eternity ring and I said I will post a picture on my Facebook primarily so Mum, Dad and my family could see it. After a few seconds I decided no I don’t actually want to do that. Instead I sent the picture in a text message to her and my sisters. I’m really not that interested in it now. This weekend I think I will go through it and de-clutter out the ‘friends’ who I really have no intention of keeping touch with and get it back to what it was suppose to be for – family most of all and closer friends who I want to share stuff with. I would never write any of this journal type content on Facebook either. I think I have worked them out or my plans for them anyway.
So obviously in the last journal I wrote I was in a little bit of a struggle with things. I kept pushing through it, I kept myself quite busy and went away for a long weekend to the beach for the Hens Party (which was unreal) and kept quite distracted with lots of company. This is good – I survived the storm. The feeling has gone for now. I hope I can do it again next time.