Bloody Tears

What if it’s never enuf???

So lately I have been working a lot on myself and my relationship with God. I grew up in a spirit filled home and a relationship with God is something that we were taught to have. I don’t think it ever occurred to me that this didn’t happen for everyone. He was just there…a part of our lives every day. Since then I have fallen away and followed my own path. I have drank, used and abused drugs and lived life as I chose to live it. In these last three months I have started to attend NA as well as Celebrate Recovery and I have begun working on myself a little bit. I am learning to see myself through God’s eyes again and I am learning to seek out His plan for my life. The problem with that is my current relationship…I love my boyfriend more than I ever knew I could love another person besides my children. I have sacrificed a lot to be with him and I know that I would sacrifice more if he asked me to. He helps me with the kids, does all of the housework, helps with dinner when I am overwhelmed and fixes things around the house and on the car when they need fixed. When he is doing well he is my rock. I know that whatever I need, he will do his best to take care of it. He hates talking about emotions, but if I push him to talk, he will do so occasionally My issue is this…will I forever be his girlfriend, never his wife? Will I forever be going to parties and family events alone due to his anxiety and fear of people? Will I forever be the only person contributing financially to the home? Will he ever comply with his parole so that he can live a normal life? Will he ever give me all that I deserve? He has made major changes in his life, but are they enuf?At some point I have to decide that and I don’t want to. The closer I get to God and the more involved in recovery I become the more I see a bigger plan for myself. I want him to be a part of that but if he refuses to participate in recovery is it possible?

2 thoughts on “What if it’s never enuf???”

  1. Gods going to be a very important person in a relationship/marriage you both have to be equally yoked to succeed together in him that’s the ultimate goal right he might have been the right one for u in ur past life but with ur new life with God maybe he’s not the one talk to him tell him the importance an how u want to show him the way

    Praying for u both

  2. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I have talked to him about my journey in recovery but he refuses to take part in either of the programs that I attend. I know that God can create willingness where there is none, so I am just praying that God show me a miracle in my boyfriend or show us clearly that we are on different paths.

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