Im so sick of waiting…

Im so sick of waiting around for something  thats not gonna happen. I keep thinking  maybe itll get better my life somehow on its own or less stressful maybe one day my life will be normal. Seriously  though how many years have you thought  that sarah? How many times have you waited around for people to change, or situations to change.. to get a better job when u never even tried. I have a life where i literally have kids everyday, i have this life where a couple months ago my heart got shattered.. well maybe way before that last break up.. i live this life the guy im dating i dont even think  wants to date me anymore, i feel like hes just bored. Im not even sure what to think but im sick of waiting around. Theres so much iv hoped for and dreamed for, and honestly i dont care  if im alone in the process. I think so much into love, feelings, relationships other people… and myself i just get by. Im content where im at but happy, im not sure. I love my life and myself but i think im just way too nice, i care about people way too soon. I deal with shit i shouldnt. Im just done, and the only one that can choose to be strong for me, is well duh myself. Sometimes i wish people understood my life, or asked how i was in a regular basis or cared. But honestly i think everyone  else is just too busy with their own lives.. and ill just act like im alright.  For the most part but everyday is a battle. I hope today is a better day, and i just feel amazing i love those days. Its like you feel like a million dollars and no one can kill your shine. And in that moment it doesnt matter about anyone else,  just you and waking up genuinely happy nothing else in that moment matters. I wish i had more of those days, but people stress me out.. or maybe its just feelings.. caring about someone and wanting them to care too. But in reality  they just dont. Its just a waste of feeling… that u never get in return. Thats why in my heart i know after brian its done its over, my “dating” life will no longer exist, and who knows i may end up alone , and u know what im completely ok with that. Because in my mind im never alone i have a beautiful 6 year old daughter, that will never let me down, and for that i am blessed. I know i can never give up because i have someone calling me mommy. I am someones mother, and that’s the best feeling in the world, and no one in this world can take that from me . I think i know its just time to work on myself and stop putting so much effort into other people and put that effort into myself. Other people will always let u down. Unfortuantly the sad truth. I still have high hopes that theres someone out there just like me. I know theres good people, because i am one. Although i may not always make the best decisions i make them because in that moment in my life..thats exactly  what i needed. ✌ till next time.

2 thoughts on “Im so sick of waiting…”

  1. So crazy…my name is Sarah and if I had changed the names of the bf and the kids in your story it could easily be me writing it. I am 33 and just finding the strength to take charge of my own life. I hope that you find the courage to take ownership and do what you need to do to be happy

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