Just when I thought things were getting better …

So my birthday turned itself around and became amazing … until this past Tuesday when my husband text me that he lost his non-union job.

We take each other in marriage for better or for worse … is it fair though that we carry someone who promised support us?  When I say support, I mean the security in knowing you can trust them and have them maintain your faith that they will provide for you not just financially, but emotionally maintain your peace of mind.  Let’s face it … you can’t live without money … in any capacity of the definition.  Unless you go off the grid and fend off the land, you can’t have the basic necessities of life – food, water, shelter – without money.  You can’t enjoy hobbies without money.  Go for a hike or sit on the beach?  Still need gas in the car to drive to where you are “enjoying” life.  I feel like I have a child.  Not a husband.  And here I have sacrificed my chance of even having children because I REFUSE  to raise a child worrying how we will pay for his/her next meal.  How dare he do this to me … AGAIN!  I am so resentful … I am so angry.  I can’t even look at his pathetic face.  This is what marriage is supposed to be?  One person giving up everything for the person that is doomed to nothingness?

I am nauseated.  I can’t even afford to leave the bastard!  How dare he do this to me.  I have no idea what I am going to do, but if I go on much longer like this, I am going to self destruct …

3 thoughts on “Just when I thought things were getting better …”

  1. hey, I know its hard. ive been there. I worked for 5 years without my ex working at all. I paid the rent, food, gas, hobbies, the whole shabang. it gets hard and tiresome. I can understand for you especially when he assured you he would support you. I know it isn’t ideal to be in that situation, but hang I there. sometimes it takes support and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.(not saying that you don’t)I don’t know your husband obviously, but I have been in his situation too. it could be so humiliating to lose your job… and you stated it isn’t the first time. think of how he feels, maybe instead of being upset or resentful, try showing a sense of understanding, a sense of support for him to encourage him to look for work. theres work out there, whether its a union job, an temp agency job, or a career. it may not be an ideal pay right of way, but a mediocre job for now is better than no job. and I don’t think it should be left or blamed on him. it depends on you helping him budget his money and save along the way. if theres one thing a man needs is a responsible and educated wife. yeah it seems like he’s doing everything wrong, but sometime he just may need you to guide him towards the right. I hope everything works out for you 2 and you get to have the family you dream for.

  2. Thank you, Ace. I know he didn’t purposely set out to lose his job. It’s just so scary. I was raised in a very different world than he was, and I hate saying this, but he just doesn’t have the wherewithal to understand the impact this has had on me. I feel like the earth has fallen out from under me. I always knew I would be the financial breadwinner of our marriage, but I never thought he would place us in a position where his choices put us in severe financial distress. He just doesn’t think when he does things.

    I do love him, but I am not in love with him like I once was, and with my current state of mind I just don’t know if I will ever be able to find myself in that place again. I feel more maternal than anything, and the feelings of guilt of “abandoning” him by leaving our marriage are completely overwhelming. I am at a total loss right now. And it is only going to get harder in the next few months. He is set to have surgery in December, and with his lay off from his union job in August – we have had no way of saving anything to get us through his two month recovery. There have been so many times over the years that he has placed me in situations where I feel perpetually slapped across the face because of his immaturity or lack of thought to what he does … I just don’t know if I can do this for a lifetime. I look at my mother who has stayed in a marriage that she finds no joy in, and I just can’t imagine placing myself in the same position. After this, I will never allow myself to have children with him. I have already decided that. It’s now this question of do I stay out of feelings of guilt and concern for his well-being, or do I start focusing on myself and mine … it’s almost like the answer is just that obvious, but I am in a complete state of turmoil. Even when he starts working again, I just don’t know if I could ever look at him with respect and admiration again … I sound like a horrific person, I know. I am just at such a loss and feel like I am being punished.

  3. If you want to leave him because you are no longer in love with him i advise you to do so. Just not now , not when life is being mean to him , not when he’s in a bad place , wait for his surgery and give him a chance to get his life back on track and then if you want to leave, leave , guilt free

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