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Choosing my path in life…

Yesterday I was feeling so good about where I am in my recovery and I felt like I had gotten to a point where I was asking God for guidance in my life. Today I feel like I don’t know which direction I’m heading in. I’m not in danger of relapse and I’m not going to quit any of the things in my recovery that are working for me. But this morning I was told that NA is bullshit, the people in the meetings are stupid and hypocritical and my new addiction is my meetings. I was told that I will never be happy unless my bf is attending meetings as well, even though I have never pushed that on him and I don’t even ask him to go with me anymore. I asked at first cuz he said he would go when he came back this last time, but apparently it isn’t necessary for him to uphold any of the promises that he makes to me. I go to NA 3 days a week and I go to Celebrate Recovery 2 days a week. My daughter was initially upset about this, but at this point she understands that I do this because I am working on myself. She’s 12 – she’s gonna have days where she feels like I’m just gone and I am not there for her. But at the same time, I have explained to her that there are times when I can miss my meeting if she needs me. I’m trying to find balance. I want a normal relationship. I want participation in my life and I want a family that I can be proud of. When he first got out of prison a year ago he did those things. He was everything I never knew he could be for me. Now he doesn’t even support me in the one thing I do that is actually making me a better person. It was no big deal for us to take off all night and go run around or for me to miss work for our using but now it’s an issue for me to be gone a couple of hours each day? I’m so tired of this run around. Me trying to convince him to be part of my life and him saying if you want me to go just say so. I keep telling him…you decide your life. Stop asking me to tell you what to do cuz it isn’t my job! I deserve someone who will contribute to my life and someone who will be proud of our family. I know he can’t help his mental issues and I know that he hates that some days he can’t leave the house. How do I leave someone over things they can’t control???

2 thoughts on “Choosing my path in life…”

  1. First of all who was told you that NA was bullshit? The person or persons who told you that sound like they are trying to make you fail. If you are going to meetings and working on your issues then you are becoming stronger. They are helping you and guiding you. Don’t let anyone try to make you give up. Your daughter is the one who needs you and you need to be strong for her. Keep trusting that God will help you with this battle.

  2. My ex told me those things…he was still actively using and I was trying to disentangle myself from the lifestyle. It’s been a long time since he said anything about my meetings but I don’t ask anymore

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