I had a thought the other day that terrified me. I was just sitting there at work when all of a sudden I realized that there’s nothing after death. We die and that’s the end. There is no heaven, no hell. It’s just empty. Not even a void we fall into; we simply cease to exist once we die. It hit me like a ton bricks. I felt my core freeze up from this thought.
This thought especially scared me since I’ve toyed with the idea of suicide before. However, I used to think that when I died, I’d just live in my thoughts forever. I could live out all the dreams and fantasies I had going on up in my mind and never have to face the harsh light of reality. It’s been just over seven years since I attempted suicide. I took some pills, but got scared after a few minutes and threw them up. I was scared that maybe I was wrong about death and there was nothing after, but I soon forgot about that fear until now.
But it’s not a fear. To me, it’s a fact. There is nothing after we die. It’s not a statement to scare though either; it’s knowledge to help you live better. There’s that stupid “YOLO” thing. I still think that saying is dumb, but its message is not wrong. We do only live once. This life I’m in is my only chance to be what I want, to have what I want, to do what I want.
I guess now I just need to figure out what that is and try to achieve it.