First Journal

I lied in the journal I posted.  Not a straight up lie, but a lie of omission.  I had the realization that life is just this over a week ago and wrote a similar statement to that journal entry.  I’ve since lost that piece of paper (probably somewhere with all my other half written thoughts), but the original piece was designed to be a journal entry.  In it, I talk about how my realization was invigorating and I wanted to keep that momentum going so I can do more with my life and try harder to get it to where I wanted.  I say that I’m going to start a journal right away and try to keep it going for as long as possible and how I wish I could always have this motivation for life and I’m going to try to hold onto forever.

But I was at work.  I wrote down my thoughts and feelings at the time and then went back to work, and by the end of the day, I lost my momentum.  Motivation for me has always been like trying to eat soup with a fork.  I get stuck and discouraged so easily.  I want to be better.  I’ve taken medication to be better (so many, many medications), but I still can’t get a mouthful.

I’ll try though.  I’ll try to really, really try.

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