I lied in the journal I posted. Not a straight up lie, but a lie of omission. I had the realization that life is just this over a week ago and wrote a similar statement to that journal entry. I’ve since lost that piece of paper (probably somewhere with all my other half written thoughts), but the original piece was designed to be a journal entry. In it, I talk about how my realization was invigorating and I wanted to keep that momentum going so I can do more with my life and try harder to get it to where I wanted. I say that I’m going to start a journal right away and try to keep it going for as long as possible and how I wish I could always have this motivation for life and I’m going to try to hold onto forever.
But I was at work. I wrote down my thoughts and feelings at the time and then went back to work, and by the end of the day, I lost my momentum. Motivation for me has always been like trying to eat soup with a fork. I get stuck and discouraged so easily. I want to be better. I’ve taken medication to be better (so many, many medications), but I still can’t get a mouthful.
I’ll try though. I’ll try to really, really try.