Learning to live

Who am I: I am mom first, wife second and dog mom third. My son has a mix of health problems. He has autism, adhd, learning disability, and persuasive developmental disorder. My daughter has mood swings, and emotional ups and downs because of her health problems. Learning to live and living with a child with autism is an undeniably highly stressful but rewarding experience only another caregiver in my situation can understand. We are in our own club. Our children learn things at different rate than most. I find myself at home a lot because my son does not like leaving the house and his diet is so picky it’s easier at home. He lives in a bubble and if someone were to try and pop his bubble it could have consequences. I live in the moment to help prevent melt downs and fits. I long for a warmth hug from my child but his disability permits this from happening. Instead if I’m lucky I will get a high five. Even though he is high functioning smell, taste, touch, and noise really affect his life as an 11 year old boy. Our daily routine consists of many sleepless nights and medication daily in order for him to function. I’m learning as mom with a child with a disability that my defining moments are not when a person says they love me but how they show me they love me. Will Smith said in the movie the Hitch “Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it’s the moments that take your breath away” (Hitch). Watching my son finally learn to tie his shoes at age 11, or watching my son learn a new task, and seeing him when he laughs about something takes my breath away. My daughter who has wisdoms beyond her years makes me proud. It takes my breath away to see her becoming such a patient older sister and help her brother even when she doesn’t want to adult at 14 lol.  Everyday I am learning to live and trying maintain my dignity and self preserve from the obstacles I am faced with.  Every caregiver needs to know they are not alone.  As a mom we cant often display the feelings we truly want to feel.  I find myself hiding behind image a mask if you will.  I have to be strong even when I feel like crawling underneath a rock.  Adulting really sucks.  So to all the other caregivers just know you are not alone with still learning to live the cards we was dealt.

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