I always thought I was the girl no man comes back for, that they just turn away from me and never look back. Last night, I was proven wrong, just when I needed to be the most. A flame from a few months back texted me,
“… I was just, scared of commitment…”
I replied, “I know, why tell me now?”
“I think about you a lot”
A few other things were exchanged, but they don’t really matter. From the song “Burning House” by Cam, “I could take you back, but people don’t ever change”. I know myself, I was thrown away by my ex husband, tossed out like the garbage, and then begged 2 weeks later to make things work. I gave him my everything, and it didn’t matter, his pills were what mattered, and in the end I was thrown away again. So I know, from that pain, I will never be able to give another man a real second chance at love. If he throws away what we have and tries to come back, he will forever be punished for not only his wrongs, but the sins of my ex, and I know that if even marriage could not keep Andrew and I together, simple love would never keep me and “Mr. Second Chance” together in the end. No man has what it takes to melt the wall of ice I put up now when I’m hurt.
Men are such simple creatures, so painfully simple sometimes, I have never met one who could withstand the pressure of needing to right a wrong, and the depth of effort it would take to heal a wounded woman, their woman, the woman they injured. It’s such a shame.
I tried another first date today, he was a beautifully simple man. Too simple it turned out, all he could talk about were things he knew about; being a bachelor, fishing, and drinking. Oh Kyle, it’s so obvious why you’re single. He had a lot of mannerisms of a dear friend, and it was comfortable in his company, maybe we’ll be friends, but as he lives 2 hours away, I’m not hoping for that either. I feel I’ll always be looking up to the sky, waiting for the man God wants to give me, in his own time. I have to wait and trust. God has proven himself to be an ever present benevolent figure in my life, and I will trust his timeline. This one reminder that I needed, that I truly am unforgettable, and worth coming back for, is going to stick with me forever, and that is priceless.