So here it starts again…or how can it start when it was never finished in the first place. It is this wicked merry-go-round that has no beginning or end. Sometimes it speeds up to a frantic pace and I can’t ever decipher if my screams are of terror or excitement. Then other times, it is hardly a crawl. I am so bored of it I dangerously hang myself over the edge waiting for something to catch me and rip me off. Where is the balance I once prided myself in having. The total Zen I existed in. It, along with so much more, has been sucked into the black hole of selfishness. I’ve lost my light and I can’t blame anyone but myself. I allowed it to happen. And now here I am stuck in this dark cavernous abyss. I sicken myself on a good day. On a bad day I feel myself slipping into the all consuming rage that used to rule my very existence.