Writing Again!

Tuesday, December 01, 2015
I haven’t written in almost a year, I don’t know why I just stop because I miss it when I do. I think about it and then never take time to sit down and actually write. I actually started a handwritten journal but that was a 1 entry fail because I like typing them more. For some reason as soon as I pick up a pen to write I lose my words. But when they hit a keyboard the words fall out.
This is a whole new site for me. I can’t remember the last two I was on. My favorite of all time was MDD. I lost 5yrs worth of entries when that site went down. I managed to salvage some of them because at some point I started putting my entries on MYSPACE….yes I am that old!
3yrs this past October that I lost my husband to heroin. Some days it feels just like yesterday and others it feels like ions ago. He’s not dead but he should be by all rights. It has actually been 5yrs since he went down that rabbit hole, it just took me a few yrs. of begging and pleading before I finally gave up and let go and even then I still held on. It’s only been this last year that I really let go and of course I am the biggest bitch for actually walking away. One minute he text me he wants me to be happy and that he will file for a divorce if I just tell him there is no hope. When I do that he gets pissed and tells me he is taking me for everything I am worth. I really can’t win for losing with him sometimes. You can’t take a shattered mirror and put it back together, it is impossible! Too many shards that cut and re-open wounds that should never be re-opened!
I have started dating again……..I need a journal just to keep up with that. Dating again at 43 is definitely interesting! Men are big babies, and size really doesn’t matter. I am learning that!

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