I just realized what I have done…

So I was reading this article about dealing with bipolar disorder and I just noticed the #6 and I will post the article in a minute I am getting to a point here. I now get why I always had such hard issues with relationships because I smothered the guys in my life, In all three of the relationships been in all three a month within the guys needed to take a break because I was just to much and smothered them to death but I totally now know why this keeps happening, now take in mind my ex husband Kris is a asshole and he had no right to control me but I was stupidly “in love” and thought he was the one for me, and figured because I have such low self-esteem that I didn’t think I could find anyone else and frankly didn’t want to be alone and then I had kids and yeah got married and finally got enough of the verbally and emotional abuse and left him and then like 2 months later I got with my now ex boyfriend Cliff and again a month in we had took a little break. And were then together for 4 years and I finally had enough of feeling like I was doing everything and getting no help on top of being a single mom and getting 2 jobs and he’d sit around all day playing video games and says well I need a little motivation to clean, cook, do wash etc seriously because I do want to come to a house that is mess and I have to do everything that’s great. Anyways so now a month later this amazingly awesome guy found me and I honestly believe he is my soul mate my one and now we are taking a break and now know I smothered him not trying it, but I did. But he is giving us 3 months of no contact text or talk and March 1st to see where we are at. He is willing to wait for me too, like I said what if you find someone new and he said as far as he is concerned he is off the market and that is how I feel and if he didn’t love and care about me he wouldn’t had been willing to give us another chance, I just need to get my shit together. But yes I wish I could so call him and tell him I totally understand what I did and I am sorry and still going to be bettering me and doing goals and sticking to them so when we do come back together that it will stronger and we both wouldn’t ever want to think about taking anymore breaks and being a couple and someday marry yes I want to marry again and that’s crazy because the shit Kris put me through but Robbie is so worth it, and I can’t and don’t want to see my life without him in it, and yes when we see each other again he may say he doesn’t want to get back together but then I move on but I am not going to jump ahead of something that hasn’t happened yet stay positive and I know in my heart, soul, and mind that we will come to be a stronger couple and knowing that I don’t need a guy to support me that I can do it myself but have him in my life because I want and need him there just as he feels the same but I honestly think this is going to work for the better because no man would say I will give us 3 months to get our shit together and see where we at and he is waiting for me and as I am waiting for him, and I know he isn’t going to cheat and I wouldn’t either yes it hurts that I can’t call him and apologize for what I did and see what I did wrong and shouldn’t had put everything on him it was to much and I shouldn’t had expected him to solve it for me that I need to be strong enough confident in myself that I can survive without a man but I choose to have this man be my partner in my life and show him he can trust me and know that I’d be the same to him yes corny as shit but I am honest to GOD in love with this man and I don’t want to ever not have him involved in my life. I see myself growing old with him, having one more baby with, watching movies, cuddling on the couch, arguing about something stupid, and making up afterwards. I just need to be me and know that I am damn good woman and I can love myself and know that he feels the same about me. Anyways I am putting the article in the end of my rant here…. I wish I had seen this sooner but better late then never and I know to show him I am worth this last chance because I will not by any means screw it up. The thought of him makes me so sad I could cry. Sorry it’s my damn Bipolar and Depression…


This article is about dealing with Bipoalr

1.B – As A Survivor, I Need To Accept…

1. There are some people that cannot and do not want to understand. Unfortunately, these people include loved ones, friends, strangers, therapists, medical, and other mental health professionals. Develop a deep understanding of your illness, what it means to you, and what wellness means to you. Pursue it relentlessly.

2. People will blame you for your actions even if they are out of character. It is entirely unreasonable, and stupid, to think that “I have a Mood Disorder” is just going to wipe the slate on particularly heinous actions. If you do something that has an incredibly negative impact on someone you are close to, chances are good you’re going to hear about it again in the future even after apologies are issued. Don’t be surprised.

3. An apology for your actions is not an apology for living with what you do. Many people feel they should not have to apologize for their actions while unwell. That is ridiculous. A person should apologize because they caused problems or pain for someone they cared about. Personally, I refuse to ever apologize for BEING Bipolar but I will apologize for things I do while I’m in the extremes of the Disorder.

4. The person that attempts to “limit” the exposure of a Mood Disorder to close friends or loved ones is shooting themselves in the foot. On the one hand, yes you are insulating them from that side of you. On the other hand, how are they supposed to learn how to handle it and help you when the time comes? Chances are pretty good you aren’t hiding anything. You’re just making it more difficult on them and you by trying to keep it quiet. I find this to be most relevant with Bipolar parents trying to shield their children. The child may not know what’s going on exactly, but they certainly do pick up when their parent is unwell.

5. There is no reason that you cannot have a family, good friends, and positive social interactions. We require a different approach to life than normal minded individuals. We have to live differently- and there is nothing wrong with that. I reiterate, there is nothing wrong with being different. A Bipolar cannot approach life the same way as a person who is not and expect to maintain the same quality of life.

6. Everyone has a breaking point. Even the most loving, supportive, wonderful person in your life has a breaking point. Avoid smothering the supportive people in your life. If you need the companionship or help then by all means seek it. It is not necessary or wise to weave that person into all the minor struggles you deal with on a daily basis, even if they ask you to. Be certain to give those people space when they need it and provide support to them when you’re able to.

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