It’s funny how I sit right at this moment at my desk at Nuclear, same place I’m a few months short of celebrating my third year working at, same place I’ve always loved shopping at; 28 years old and while browsing one of my old classmates profile, I realize, that as the first reunion I’ve ever agreed to go to with them gets closer and I have no idea on how to back out, or even if I actually want to go in the first place, the reason why I’ve always dreaded to go to those.
Like I’ve mentioned, I’m barely 28, maybe 1 year older than most of my classmates (I think it’s important to mention how my class in secondary school was the only group conformed of only girls), but most of them are already – if not married – covered in children, some of them, with several kids from several different fathers, which I find incredibly disturbing.
Anywho, these people, being girls and of course, grown up to think that unless you have a man and a family you’re worthless, have nothing else to talk about except for their partners and kids, aside for maybe about 8 of us, which are still un-married and happily unattached to kids, I’m sure that’s all the conversation will revolve around, which takes me to the main point of this entry:
I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yes. I do have a man, but here’s the thing, after my last relationship ended, I discovered self-love like I’ve never experienced before, thanks to a new leaf in life, new friends, new experiences and taking chances and risks I would never do before that relationship ended. I was happily single for a year or maybe even longer, I’m not really sure on the timeline, and for once in my life I was calling the shots everywhere, I had moved out of my parent’s home when I was 21, had an awesome job, great people around me and had good-looking guys trying to get me to go home with them.
That is when I found my power, not just getting free drinks at the bar, but I found that I could be happy while being unattached, if I wanted sex, I could call someone or just DIY-it (I had this one fuck-buddy, so spare me the whore comments), if I wanted to go out I didn’t have to convince anybody, I learned the pleasure of going to the movies, beach, coffee shop, on my own, and enjoying myself. So by the time I met Mike, my now fiancé, I loved myself enough not to settle, not to be a doormat, and we even helped each other make our self-love grow fonder (his last relationship was also a blunder) and I felt even better because I helped this gorgeous man with low self-esteem build his own and reach his fullest potential.
I was one of the first people to scoff at the self-help/over-optimistic shit that everyone says but this is something that I learned by myself. If you love yourself and you have confidence you will attract great people into your life, hence my friends and my soon-to-be hubby. We are perfectly fine without kids right now and thankfully his wanderlust is as great as mine. Putting that aside (and going back to the “I” part of this).
Is that being young is great for so many reasons, I can travel, I can take classes, get a degree on something else, enjoy my art shows, pets, my partner and life to the fullest.
I want to be a mother, and I’m 100% sure than once I am, I will still be able to do this and more, and it’ll be greater because my babies will get to experience it with me, but that’s not at least for another 5 years. I’m grateful for everything I’ve learned in these past 5 years when being by myself (oh, because yes, the ex managed to get a lot of people against me), surrounded by friends and in my now-not-so-new relationship. How I’ve managed to love not only myself, but the people around me, even when I don’t. I’ve matured so much and I feel like I’m ready to take on anything life can throw at me and us.
So what I’m saying is; it’s just a stupid reunion, I say buck up, wear pretty clothes, order a drink and make ’em laugh!