I remember so much . How i went through in this two years . My classmates constantly bullied me , but it was through then i met you . We hit off so well . But soon , i fell into depression .
then for my best friend who i knew for the past 6 years was on to popularity, pretty much a two faced bitch. Soon i stopped talking to her and you were still there for me . But it came at one point when i realized you were so far away from me . And i started to probably show you my negative side and you said you love me no matter what . Even if i was very hateful and angry because of everyone . And then one day it got so bad because i offended you with my negativity . Its my fault . Then you said it would be better if i vanish . Just yesterday when i told you my honest feelings that i needed someone to be physically present because of my depression and that you are so far away and you cannot help me , I started to realize that offended you heavily . I then went off to tell you about being physically present is very important . Maybe you were very upset and all because you have been there for me and sacrificed for me like giving up your time and skyping with me and talking to me even when you are very very sick , maybe that is too much for you .
But anyday i would have done the same. I apologised to you last night saying im sorry because i think i made you angry so now you are ignoring me because the fact is im no good for you and i think i hurt you too much that now you dont to talk to me . But this is great isnt it ? its like i was destined to be alone this whole time . I feel so alone . I feel like as though im pushing everyone away including david who cared for me so much . But now i get this feeling im losing him . Im not mentally stable . Im blaming him for everything . Now he has really vanished .
Im a hot mess right now . I dont know what i can do.
Im willing to try honestly to try and fix myself while crying myself to sleep at night .
I think im coming to the conclusion that if you decide to leave me anyday, then i have to accept it because i think i dont deserve him . He deserve other girls who are so much better that can give him happiness but no . I cant even give him anything . Not even one ounce of happiness. I hope he will find someone out there that will treat him right better than me .