Kind of depression

Sometimes i think nobody reads that and i feel disappointed somehow 🙁 i’m studying..maybe not as hard as i wish but at least i always try to improve something in anything and learn anything in something :((((but when there are results i see all of that isn’t enough and i’m still far from perfection.. I know no one could ever be perfect but how i wish i were near to it :((( i wanna cry. I can’t imagine that maybe my Entrance exam results will be too disappointing :((( i’ll die :((( i need to get full grant..anyway i can’t ask mum for paying money. Even without that i on my own count that it’s stupid to pay money for the thing you can get even free.. I sometimes want a person just by my side to understand all of this…maybe unaffordable goals are worthy more than easy ones but imagine how much endurance should one has to bring it to the conclusion. As usual the weather is sad, just like always supports me i feel but i need a real one , real person to hold me tight when i so much need it…but i feel i’m happy when i’m without partner. Sometimes just sometimes i need … I scored 31 out of 40 today on one olympiad. Dont think it is a good result.. 3 other ones scored higher than me but that’s not a problem. I had the same score last year too.. I had no progress and it makes me feel terrible.. Dont know if any of my work will ever make sense…and i’m afraid… So afraid …. (28.11.2015)

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