fox among foxes

Chapter 2 – “Not all men belong to you.”

The one positive thing about him having a girlfriend was obvious: I could sleep over at his place again, without the need to worry about provoking any expectations or crossing the line of appropriateness. The fact that we shared a bed again, in uspoken agreement, brought us close to outright hypocrisy, but this did not matter to us. We were just as before: dancing on the edge between friends and something more. Just now we both knew and accepted it had to be that way, which made the situation more relaxed than our previous few months of awkward semi-relationship.

Me attending a course at the university from March until June gave my visits some routine. Every two to three weeks I rang his doorbell and asked for some place to sleep, never being refused.
I never properly said hello to him. It became kind of our ritual, him awaiting me in the door, letting me brush past while I bickered about how little I liked the capital and it’s stinking metro stations, loud streets and confusing geography. It was my way to get my feelings of seeing him again in ordner, until I chose my own time to hug him hello.


I often thought about whether it was the right decision to forbid him telling me about his girl. After all, I gave away the chance to put me in a position of metagaming, of being his confidant and referee. I condemned myself to the role of bystander, when I could be so much more just by accepting my place.

Just as often I wrecked my head on how big of a hypocrit I was, being married and fussing over him showing interest in other women. Despite all the thought I had spent on jealousy and the harm it does to relationships, I ended up being jealous myself. Apparantly being aware of something gives no guidance to its effects. I was vain, I wanted to know I was the single most important person in the Witcher’s life. Like the Knight had said, the least thing I could ask for is never having to know that I actually had to share this position. I hated the thought of being just one more good friend among other good friends he had.


“Lily, not all men belong to you”, the White Queen said with a laugh, during one of our trips to our partners in Northern Europe.

I am an open book to the people around me. They all know I tend to keep men around me because I can make them do what I want. Even the ones I plainly tell this are prone to it. If there is anyone immune it is the Knight, because he sees right through me, knowing every intention of a manipulation before I even start an attempt. We are the same, he and I. What people don’t know is that I deliberately push this side of me to the surface, make it easy for them to see, so that no one will ever suspect that the Witcher is special to me.

He has me just as much tamed as I have tamed him.

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