So I figured after talking to my best friend what my boyfriend wants and that is to be mentally stable and healthy in order have a good healthy relationship with him, he is waiting for me gave me a 3 months time frame which is to have better coping skills, so I want to talk to my therapist to see if there is any group kinda like that going on, and I am also looking up online resources and found a few last night and going to see if writing down when i have an anxiety attack then reread it see if that works. And I also realize that the fact I should listened to Robbie when he would told me things and listened and you see I am type A person so when someone says don’t do that unless I experience it myself I guess I always have to push the envelope and the fact that my support system has always sheltered me didn’t honestly help me because putting me in a bubble is now running me in the long run and that’s why I haven’t been able to do my daily struggles because my support system would always bail me out and I never got to solve it on my own. And today talked to my cousin and everything I have ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, and Depression that she has all that too and it is awesome because I can connect the drops and understand that I am not the only one that is considered different in my family and I can also help her if she needs to vent as if I do she can be there, and she also has experienced everything I do on a day and day basis and knowing that I am not alone makes me so happy. And also knowing that I have daddy issues that she explained that I never will took notice that in 31 years that my dad has never said he loves or loved me that he does but he doesn’t know how to express or show it because his mom my grandma screwed him up but he does love me in his own way and shows it the only way he can. And also he asked when he gets to meet Robbie and honestly my dad has never once asked me to meet any of my other boyfriends and it shocks me and maybe he sees that I am serious about Robbie, also I decided I am going back to college I want to go to school to be a Therapist for kids who have similar issues and disorders because when parents say oh I understand or they don’t know what they are talking about or feeling I know what’s best isn’t true at all because unless that parent has what they have doesn’t get it walking in their shoes and just because that child is younger knows what they feeling and sometimes doesn’t know how to express it that the parent(s) that they can understand it’s awesome knowing what I want to do, I have been struggling deciding what I wanted to do and everything Robbie wants me to do is everything I have been dragging my feet on and I refuse to lose him because I was being lazy for so long, and also the fact I had 2 men to lean on that were abusing me mentally and emotionally wasn’t great because again I was relying on them and NOT me!!! And I want to start going to yoga too. I mean I now see that I was going back into that habit of leaning on Robbie instead of myself and he would tell me everything I needed to do but of course I didn’t listen and I almost lost him and so I now doing what I was dragging my feet on, I REFUSE to be held back by my past mistakes and I am moving on to the present and into the future and I am actually very happy he is giving me the touch love to do this, this shows me how much he truly cares and wants me to be healthy and happy with myself and also shows me that I need to be proud of me and make my kids proud of me because I want to be the best mom I can be to them because they are my everything and also I want to make Robbie proud of me, and say to his friends and family yes that’s my girlfriend or wife and I am so proud of her. And he is the person I want to come home to every day and night and be everything I can. And I can tell Robbie is proud of me already. I take my math placement this Tuesday at 2 I believe I need to call Monday to make sure because when I don’t write it down it goes right out the window… And I got to see my best friend last night, and it was so good talking to her, and her telling me her problems. I just feel like everything is on the right track and that is a great feeling!!!