Christmas time used to be my favorite part of the year, minus the cold weather. For as long as I can remember I have loved looking at the homes decorated and the more lights the more excited I become. I love playing Christmas music and dancing around the tree while I decorate it, wrapping presents even if they weren’t expensive ones in beautiful papers and bows, and as I became an adult, preparing for Christmas dinner. I am struggling to find that person this year. My heart isn’t in it and if I am scanning through the radio station in my car and a Holiday song comes on, I instantly feel myself get angry and quickly move on to the next station. I want no part of the season this year. This will be the first time in my entire life that a tree has not gone up. Even the first year I moved out on my own and my apartment was too tiny for anything really, my mom and I found a small tree and some ornaments and I was ready to go. R has sucked the joy of the holiday for me. I have let him do it too. Last Christmas was so special. I had just found out I was pregnant and couldn’t wait for my mom to open her gift and reveal that she was going to be a grandma. We were making plans to share a home and had told his daughter we were going to be a family. I shouldn’t keep reverting back to those memories but, I am finding it hard to not think about those times when I was incredibly happy. Now he is sharing Christmas with his new wife, his daughter, their expectant baby, and his wife’s family. Suddenly my favorite holiday is not so important if the people I want to share it with are no longer around. Now, it’s just me. I don’t need a beautifuly decorated tree to remind me of how lonely I am.
I did manage to push aside my Scrooge-like feelings however, and do my best to make some one else’s Christmas just a little bit better. Our office was uncertain what to get our boss (who owns the company) for Christmas as the man already has anything and everything he could possibly want. He is a kind man though, and a giving one to boot. He loves to do good things for people and will help anyone down on their luck. We collectively put money together and divided it up amongst the 5 departments and decided we would use our cut and do something with it that would pay it forward to the community.
We heard a story of two police officers who shared a house who suffered a pretty miserable misfortune. Their home caught on fire and they lost everything due to smoke and water damage. So our department teamed up with another department and we used the money to buy these fellas any kind of supplies they would need, personal, hygenic, even bought dog food and bones for their pets. We had bags and bags of stuff that we delivered to the police station today. Unfortunately they weren’t on duty so we left them there.
Each department has to come up with a creative way to tell their story of paying it forward and we will present them to our boss as his gift at the work Christmas party. We all know how touched he will be to see his employees come together as a team and do for someone else as he does for so many. It brought warmth to my soul though to see the desk officer tear up when we told him why we were there and how much it meant for us to serve the community as they do on a daily basis. The gratitude and appreciation in his eyes were better than any gift I have been given or received. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when these two officers come to work next and see what has been left for them. I know people do things like this every day but, you just don’t hear about it very often. It felt good to be a part of something bigger than myself. To make a difference to someone you don’t even know.