I don’t know who I am. I know what I’ve been through and what has happened to me but I don’t know who I am. When I was younger, I know that I was abused by my older cousin. I know he hurt me and ruined all relationships between me and the rest of his family. I know I can’t do anything to change the fact that it happened. I wish that I never told anyone. I secretly hate my best friend, Diana, because she saw the cuts on my arm and made me tell her what happened. She told her mom and her mom told mine. I was put in counseling and have been going for over two years now. Every time I go in, my counselor asked me what I am thinking and there is so much I want to say but I always shrug my shoulders and say “I don’t know” or “nothing”. I don’t say anything because I feel like it’s just not that important to bring up. I’m at the point in my counseling where I don’t need to talk about the fact I was abused but the effects it has had on me and others around me. The last time I went was yesterday and we talked about how I don’t like having attention from others and people focused on me and how it that me anxious. He asked if I knew why it made me feel that way and I said I don’t know how to act around others because I don’t know all of them. An example I gave him was in school when I’m in a class, I can’t talk in front of others without my heart racing and my face getting bright red. It’s embarrassing because there are a lot of older kids in my class that I’ve never really talked to. He asked why it matters that I know them or not. I had to think about how to respond because honestly, I didn’t know. I thought about it and I guess the answer would be because I don’t know who I am and that I am always trying to conform to what others want me to be like. For every group of people I’m with, I’m a completely different person, different personality, different likes and interests, and just a different persona overall. My hope for these upcoming months is to work on finding myself and who I want to be and to especially be that person with all groups of people I associate with.