To my defence, the Witcher’s and my situation were totally different. I had been in a functional relationship when we met and I got to love him nonetheless. There was space in my heart for him because the other man in my life was like a projection of myself, sharing the same passions and dreams, being so much like me that I often don’t know were I stop and he begins. The Witcher, on the other hand, is someone who is so unlike me he completes me in almost every aspect of personality, while still sharing interests and crucial views of the world. I happily welcomed him into my life against better judgement.
This new girl – she could now have everything she wanted from him. The place on his side was vacant, there was nothing in his life except for this irregularity that was me. There are no tangible ties between the Witcher and me. How easy would it have been to just stop seeing me, to fill the void in his life with her.
What the hell had I been thinking? That he would wait for me, after all this time? Always? Only in books the gloomy dark haired guy is forever in love with the redhead who married another man.
In the end, I attempted another stupid thing. Just one more in the line of overly dramatic stupidities that is my life.
I tried to regain control over the situation by trying to find another girl for him, one that I saw more fitting. Apart from the fact that this girl of his had no common interests with him, I wanted it to be someone I liked as well.
One of my friends.
Then it would be impossible for me to hate his girlfriend and we could spend time together.
I was open with him about it and suprisingly he did not name me an idiot for it. He even let me organize a date for the three of us! Nothing happened and when we parted the girl walked home alone and I slept over at the Witcher’s place again. But now being right in the middle of my plan I started to think that it might actually work out!
And what if?
No more sleepovers.
No more overly long hugs.
I could never hate her, knowing her.*
If he ever got into a relationship with a friend of mine, this being more than friends would have to stop, once and for all.
I could live with a shadow on his side, a person that was nothing more than the occasional text he sent when I was with him. But never with someone I knew and liked and was not able to despise.
So I was faced with the decision of being a good friend seeking only his happiness, or to succumb to my selfishness once again.
*Probably I would not have been able to hate his actual girlfriend either, had I known her. It is so easy to hate an image of a person, but I tend to see all the good things in people when I meet them.