The night it ended

What do u do when all u feel is pain and rejection.

Like the one person that u though would be there for better or worse gives up. When ur left at the most vulable time in your life. Its something that. You have to deal with on ur own when they give up on you. And what do you do how do u handle life. Everything that happens they say happens for a reason but the thing is they never know that reason and the only one u can come up with is never good outcome. Do i want him to be unhappy no, do i want him to resent me. Not at all. But i feel like i have been given up on. Kicked to the curb.. No longer need only there till something better came along… And may not a girl.. But a better life a simpler life one where he doesn’t have to work for it one that just falls into place that has no road blocks….. But what about what i want….

I want a simple life with a couple of kids, a sturdy safe roof over our heads and a loving, hardworking. Loyal husband that love me unconditionally and shows me appreciation…..i would i know how to handle having something like this or would i fuck it up …my track record and what i have seen growing up…i would fuck it up….

Have i givin up on my hopes of have this kind of life? Yep sure have here in a day or so i will be moving out of my home so my husband who no longer wants me bc i am poison to him can live the life he wants to … Do as he pleases and in the what will make him happy or who will make him happy…is there someone else..i am told i believe it even tho i know all the signs very well bc i have seen them before with all but one….the one that should have seen my signs…this is the answer to my question every time was it me…YES its you …its not like it happened once but multi times….but this its counts.. This time it will hurt more than u can ever believe. This time i will not recover and come up fighting..this was my one true soul mate…the one that should fight tooth and nail for me..but all hope gone.. All love, compassion and want is gone from his heart i am no long…what he wants…

As I sink into the background of this thing i call life i lie awake to never feel the embrace of his loving arms the touch of his kiss or the whisper of i love you. For I know i am not the love of his life and definitely not his last as he is mine…

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