Hmm I’m back and I went and saw my therapist she was happy on how much I’ve accomplished in the past week. Also today was my math placement test at college ugh I haven’t done math like that for like 12 years. Okay this is what I don’t get. And I am trying to figure it out so I can more fully focus on me like my boyfriend Robbie wants. See I hurt him I smothered him, I broke the only promise that he asked me not to do, I broke his trust and I just don’t understand why he is still willing to stay with me. I know we are on a break but it’s because he needs space from me which I get. And he said if he didn’t want to be with me didn’t love me he could had said get away but he isn’t taking the easy way out, he loves me just as much as I love him. I guess I want to know his thought process and what are his feelings about what I did. Andnd I have starting distancing myself because he wants me to focus on me, and I am scared because what if when I do that he doesn’t want to come back, he says he sees so much in me and believes in me. And he also said I need to trust that he wouldn’t move on and also trusting that I wouldn’t move on also. Which looking at my track record of men in my life I am not going anywhere it’s only if he doesn’t want me anymore doesn’t love me anymore you can’t force someone to love you and I will not force myself on him. And I’ve made huge steps and I guess I’m scared he will forget me, my dad asked when he going to meet him and that’s big because my dad and I have issues and he has never asked to meet any of my boyfriends. And I don’t even know if I’ll see him on Christmas and it makes me sad because I wanted to share the holiday with him.