who i want to be

after some major events in my life i felt like everything went off the rails. i thought that things need to go back to the way things were, like i needed to be my old self to get everything back to normal.
it wasn’t until i slowed down and let myself feel all the emotions i was blocking out before. it all hurts so much. there are days where even the air in my lungs hurts. it feels like my entire being is a paper cut, pain with even the slightest touch.
my old self was strong, had reasons to keep going, had things to look forward to and i was proud of all those things.
now i have come to the realization that growing can be painful. everything that has let up to now have been the hardest things i have to face. all those changes were part of growing up. i had forgotten that growing can hurt, i’m just going to compare it to growing pains.
i know now that these events were life changing for me. i guess i’m still very young and my life can still change a lot. no one is ever ready for all these changes but it’s time to accept them and move forward.

i have to be a different person. i want to have the traits i liked about my old self and be a better adult.
i want to be someone that is emotionally and physically strong, loving and caring, selfless, and sure of herself; that is exactly the traits of my old self i was most proud of.
i will work extremely hard to be career driven, more responsible, a better friend, better girlfriend, better daughter, have a better overall health, and give everything my all.
this is exactly the new me i am going to be. it wont be an overnight thing but i will work on it every single day.

4 thoughts on “who i want to be”

  1. thanks to the people who have responded to my entry. its a hard time in my life and i just want this online journal to be a healthy outlet for me.
    thank you for reading.

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